Understandings

The very basics. It is like I would be writing about the most basic thing about any relationship. This is the only thing which is the most basic requisite which would make or break any relationship, however strong or long lasting it has been. The minute it is lost, the relationship, the alliance just crumbles. The beauty of this fact is that one needs to be constantly working at it. Never really forget to talk about it. Initially it is very important for you guys are still figuring things out and finding more about yourselves with each other, therefore making it all the more important that you guys work out that mutual understanding. Not only for your respective field of profession or work or study, but also for your interests, likes and dislikes. He’d love his football or basketball game and will be out most evenings with his boys on the court or the field and won’t be apologetic about it. Understand that. Just the way he does when he gives you that random call and you are in the middle of a girl’s day out shopping or at the cafe. The more you’d crib about his being away at work or at the exercises, the more you’d drift away from him. These guys, they get trained in a manner that after one point of time, if they get the idea that their girl isn’t understanding enough, they’d really move away and quick.

Your guy is away from his house, away from his comfort zone, away from the luxuries of his own city and believe it or not, you are going to be his strength to endure everything uncomfortable. Not all postings are happy ones. It really isn’t everyone’s cup of tea to be sitting alone in a make-shift tent in the middle of the desert and sound cheerful on the phone. You have to understand again. Alright. Why should you always understand that, and why not him for a change. Well, you should because you’re a woman and you’re made that way. Women can actually endure more than men can imagine. At points like these in life, I really reiterate the words of a wise man who said that,

a woman in no way is equal to a man. she is far more superior.

Eventually, the result of all this is that you end up with a stronger bond with your guy. We know it isn’t easy being with a fauji. They are stubborn, they won’t budge, they wouldn’t be able to reason themselves and most of the times they are the ones issuing orders around – mine forgets that he’s talking to his girlfriend and not to his junior or his jawan back at his unit – but such is life. Bitter-sweet memories which will always make you smile when you look back at them. BUT HEY.. NEVER FORGET WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO MAKE YOU FEEL DEJECTED, NEGLECTED AND WORST OF ALL, MAKE YOU FEEL TAKEN FOR GRANTED. Till then, breathe, let him breathe and nurture the big baby you got in your life.

Cheers.

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The Truth behind Trusting

Very often when things don’t turn out the way we think they should, we are made to believe that we’re being taken for granted. Especially when it comes to being a soldier’s girlfriend. Thinking the unthinkable slowly becomes a habit. Distrust acts like slow poison not only for our relationships, but for any kind of relationships. Most of us who are seasoned with previously failed relationships, it comes to us naturally. “Maybe its me, that’s why he too takes me for granted”. He’s definitely taking me for granted. The first thought that beeps in our minds. “That is why he never takes me or this relationship seriously.” It happens. Very natural, and human. No two people are alike and neither are two relationships. Two other people may be having that perfect relationship which you secretly eye and envy and wish, How difficult can it be to have a normal relationship? Actually, what I got to learn from my experience so far is that there is No such thing as a Normal Relationship. On a lighter note, I believe, when you get into a relationship, you bid adieu to all sorts of sanity.

Men are born weird. NO, seriously. Unlike how we function, we know exactly what the other one is feeling like without that other one telling us by word of mouth, these people don’t understand. Unless you open your mouth and tell them, “Your not talking the whole day (when you’re in a position to talk and are not busy working) makes me feel horrible”, they wouldn’t understand. It happens with me all the time. When I’m on the verge of pulling my hair out, when my eyes get sore with staring at the phone too long waiting for a message, I end up thinking that why wouldn’t he just tell me that he doesn’t want this, maybe I ain’t good enough, probably he’s taking me for granted. Mine, is no less. Says one thing, does another, thinks a third, and means something completely different. Drives me insane. But then, when its quiet and I’m alone thinking, it dawns to me that I have always had trust issues. I always kept my guards up very high. In the past, the failed relationships taught me never to trust easily, but after that, I still allowed this special person to come into my life and he made me fall in love again. He made my dull life so entertaining that today, everyday I think of new ways how to bang his head into the wall over the phone. :-p

The end note is, Girls, (and boys if they’re reading this) don’t give up easily. If you’re in this, if you’re in love with your soldier, give in your best. Your behavior and your stand is your responsibility. In the end, its you who faces the mirror and you must know in your heart that you’re doing justice to this relationship.

Whenever I end up exhausted, after a failed attempt to try drill some sense into him, and when he successfully ends up doing the damage-control, he asks me, When I irritate you so much, why don’t you find yourself another guy, who’d always keep you happy, I happily answer him, keeping the phone close to myself that “No one,but myself has the power to keep me happy. It is me who seeks my happiness, and fortunately so, I find that happiness in you.. So  maybe you can STFU about finding another guy for me. He still forever stays confused that why do I still wind up with him..so I always tease him saying this,

Someone has to be the mature one..” 😉

Cheers!!

All it Takes to Love

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What must it take to be in a relationship with a guy who wears Olive Green? Well, more than just love and patience. It takes genuine heart and soul to fall in love. I would say, an ”I love you” is just the beginning to a relationship which is larger than life itself. Being an Army Girlfriend myself, I can say and put word that this is a phenomenal experience; to be in a relationship with a man who is forever with you, who you can see and meet and cuddle with when ever you want, is normal and you see such couples everywhere, BUT, my dearies, BUT.. being in a relationship with a fauji means being in love with your phone and laptop, it means being in love with Skype and FaceTime and IMO, and being on a constant vigile for a ring on your phone or the beep of a message. He stays away for days and month on end, and all the reassurance you have of his being well in the snow clad mountains, damp and humid jungles of North East, the dry and hot desert of Rajasthan or the bugyals and valleys of Kashmir or Siachen, is that one phone call at the end of the day. Nothing cheers you up more than that one unexpected message that beeps on your phone in the midddle of the day which says that he misses you and that he can’t wait to see you again in the next leave.

You eventually start to jump with joy when you hear his leave has been sanctioned or that his next posting would be a place where his mobile will have network or he would have access to WiFi which actually works. My heart goes out to all the ladies who are in love with their faujis and who know how to value their relationships and develop maturity to deal with the turbulent times.

To those who are new to this whole system, it would need patience. I was an impatient woman in the beginning. Gave my fauji a real hard time in getting used to his erratic schedules and exercises. But then, over time, I understood how much I meant to him and how much he cared about our relationship. For any fauji, all what matters to him and means the most is the amount of faith and trust you put in him. He wouldn’t express much and maybe he wouldn’t show it as much, but you mean the world to him and it is your love and your patience and your support that keeps him going.

To all those women in love with their faujis.. Stay strong and Keep Faith.

Cheers!!